At Last

At last, the bonds are evaporating

like mist under warm sunlight.

Soon we'll hold each other

like lovers separated aeons ago.

Long I've wandered in desolate lands -

frightened, desperate, doubtful.

Fastened tightly

in cords of fear and shame.

Torn to pieces

by the claws of envy and greed.

Scattered in the winds

of self-loathing and guilt.

The lights of the city bewildering me,

I sought desperately for you.

Trying all manner of vices

and chastising myself for doing so.

Awash with alcohol and self-abasement,

I felt the weight of disappointment daily.

Exploring the murky depths of my mind,

I found unpleasant and unattractive things.

I fell into pits of isolation and numbness,

hoping to ease the pain.

But in all the ignorance and confusion,

you kept knocking at the door of my longing.

There were times when the knocking

was just a faint tapping.

Other times it was so loud

that I almost held you in my arms.

In the heart of my suffering, 

is this where you've been hiding?